Four Times It Was Bruce's Fault
by Mara Greengrass
Summary: Four times it was Bruce's fault and one time it was Tony's


Everybody who's dealt with Bruce Banner for more than five minutes and isn't a moron knows that Bruce is a genius. Y'know, really really really goddamn smart. Almost as smart as Tony. And once they've been around a while, they figure out that Bruce is quietly a super funny guy.

But what most people don't realize about Bruce is that he's absolutely fucking devious. Tony loves that about him. Most of the time.

1.

It was absolutely positively 100% not Tony's idea to hire someone to create a comic book about the Avengers. Yeah, it sounds exactly like something he'd do (what with Iron Man being on the first cover) and yeah, he did front the money for it but it wasn't his idea. He wasn't even involved except for paying the bill, so why doesn't anyone believe him that it was Bruce's fault?

To top it all off, Bruce keeps "innocently" leaving a copy of the issue where Hawkeye and Black Widow fuck like bunnies where Natasha can see it, at which point she goes ballistic. That...bastard. It's a good thing he mostly uses his powers for good, or the world would be totally screwed.

2.

On the other hand, the (mostly) non-toxic exploding cream pies were absolutely goddamned brilliant, if Tony may say so himself. And, in fact, he may, because he ihad nothing to do with them./i

Okay, he may have laughed so hard he actually fell out of his chair and then Thor had to smash a pie on his head, but he didn't create them or deploy them sneakily after a group dinner.

They were funny, though, so it was worth taking the blame, not to mention the enormous cleaning bills. (Do you have any idea how much it costs to get mostly non-toxic exploding cream pie out of silk carpets? No, you don't. Trust me, it's more than that. And that.)

3.

For a guy who had supposedly spent most of his recent time in remote areas of the world, Bruce had a remarkably good grasp of popular music. Or rather, a good grasp of very bad popular music. He insisted that bad American music was impossible to escape and it was played on the radios in the markets, but Tony had a suspicion Bruce just took an unholy joy in annoying teeny bopper tunes and ridiculous lyrics as a complete antidote to his real life. (He probably secretly read Harlequin romances, too.)

Whatever the truth was, Bruce had an uncanny ability to determine the song that would most annoy another member of the team, which Tony would then program as their phone's ringtone. Their unchangeable ringtone.

But it wasn't Tony's fault he couldn't resist Bruce when he looked hopeful and excited about something. Really, it wasn't. Could you resist the guy if he looked at you like that? He was like a goddamn puppy whining for more supper with those big brown eyes.

4.

Those photos circulating on Facebook of the out-of-costume Avengers riding the rides at Coney Island? The ones everyone says are hilarious Photoshops? Absolutely positively real.

Turns out Tony's not the only one who can't resist Bruce's puppy dog eyes. And Tony's not the only one who knows how to take stealth photos.

God damnit. Tony's inever/i going to be rid of that picture of himself on the Cyclone screaming like a girl. (Or rather, screaming like someone is definitely not a girl, sorry Tasha and Pepper, please don't hurt me?)

5.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

"Tony," Steve said with a sigh, "please stop poking him with the laser pointer."

Poke.

"Seriously," Clint said, glaring. "Stop. I'd like to get out of here sometime today."

Poke.

Poke.

"Am I going to have to stab you?" Natasha asked, rubbing her face.

Poke.

"STOP THAT. OR HULK SMASH." The Hulk said, fairly calmly, considering he was a, y'know, big green rage monster.

There was a silence as everyone stared. "Um...sorry?" Tony finally said.

Coulson sighed. "Can we get back to the meeting now?"

"Sure," Bruce said, folding his hands and smiling politely at everyone, his face just slightly green-tinged.

Devious. The man was absolutely devious. And evil. Tony grinned at him. It was awesome.

-end-


End file.
